she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
