So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
