She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
