My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
