I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
