The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
