i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
