I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
