so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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