My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
