i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
