I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
