I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
