i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
