Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
