I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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