I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
