went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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