I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
