There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
