I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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