I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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