Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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