My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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