bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You may now shotgun with the bride
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
