the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
