The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Pants are for mortals
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
