pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
