i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
