garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
