his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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