We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
