I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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