She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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