Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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