You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
