i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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