hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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