McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
