I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
