wanna go halves on a baby?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
