Jerry, you need to find god
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
