Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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