Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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