You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
