You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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