i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
