So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
