The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
