That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
