There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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