I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
