that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You ever have a fart follow you around?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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