my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
