i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
